The trajectory and cost of self definition.
We live in a culture where self definition is so positively viewed it is a marketing tool. Take for example the Virgin Atlantic TV ads. The current campaign tells me to express myself by "seeing the world differently". Virgin has loved this line of communication for a number of years, capitalising on the mantra of the age, "be the best version of me". The logic goes something like this...
"I cannot be myself if I have to conform, if I am fitting in with another person's definition". "True joy in life is when there are no boundaries, therefore I can fly anywhere I want to, do anything I want to, be who I want to be, and this is what makes the world a happy place."
Virgin have sought for the last several years to build their identity on this pseudodreligpous mantra of "freedom". Inherent in this is the way I chose to express my sexuality, and the championing of LGBTQ, with many adverts opening up Virgin's keenness to employ and serve those who are transgender and breaking sexual / cultural boundaries. Does this logic stack up though? Is this not ironically actually an imposing declaration ? (that you cannot be truly happy or "alive" unless you fit in with our definition of happiness). Is it possible to define and redefine yourself without any cost to others? Can I fully express who I want to be without any boundaries and still make the world a happier place ? By defining myself, will I get to the place where everything makes sense, not only for me but for all people ? Is it possible just to keep adding definitions to redefine ourselves without things losing a sense of sense (LGBTTQQIAAP+ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Transsexual, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, Allies and/or Pansexual ) ?
"Boundaries", "rules" and "authority" in our culture are dirty words. We dare not define life or wisdom claims for another when for many the goal is to break boundaries and do "more". Take for example how lockdown in the UK affected people's sense of righteous indignation about confinement. First the rocketing of home streaming as people try to break the boundaries of entertainment. Did having 6 or more streaming platforms and trillions of unlimited box sets to "binge watch" on satisfy you? Was there a cost to this? The bubble was short lived with Netflix's subscribers and share-price tumbling off a cliff this month.
Having total freedom in a pandemic world was our goal, after all why should Covid or any government have "the right" to stop us living life to the full? It this "threat" (daring to tell me right or wrong/ boundaries) the reason many got so angry at a government who chose to reduce our freedom for the reduction of infection rates. Why can't I live as I please even it does infect / harm another.
People got even more angry at a government who made boundaries for society and didn't stick to them personally. It prompts the question... can we set boundaries for others without living up to them ourselves? Is it only politicians who need to comply with boundaries? Are boundaries the real issue or is there something else intrinsically wrong with our world? Did the pandemic just reveal a deeper issue at the source and heart of humanity and society?
Then in covid times there was the rocketing view numbers for porn sites, paid sites becoming "free". "Get anything you want in high definition, when you want, it will make you happy as we open up a world to you of your choosing, without boundaries, anything you want from your definition - have it, serve yourself, you deserve it". Did it cost our society anything? Did it affect our relationships, not having any boundaries at all ? Do we need boundaries on who we engage with, and how we engage with them ? What happens when my desire and definition of being the best and happiest me affects another human being (especially the one I live with, have said I'm committed to, or the children who became distant because I was more obsessed with getting my porn, (or extra booze, extra TV, extra snacks) rather than looking after their mental health during a pandemic? Is it surprising in our porn familiarised world with unrestricted "on demand" satisfaction guaranteed, that that rape is so on the increase (though prosecutions are increasingly difficult to achieve). Is it possible to have such a "freedom" world without others being enslaved (human trafficking, abuse, made to work in what is called the sex industry). How do you tell someone who is not used to hearing "no" that you are putting a verbal barrier up in a way that stops them ? Surely in this instance boundaries are exactly what our society needs. Are boundaries not good when they protect the vulnerable and place a hedge of safety around the most manipulated.
During lockdown other things rocketed too; relationship breakups, the numbers of people taking anti depressants, the number of people taking their own lives, the number of people who were not happy doing their own thing in the privacy of their own homes.
THE WAKE UP CALL OF THE LAST 7 DAYS IN BRITAIN.
In the context of our sex crazy, no boundaries culture, this week revealed all.
At the heart of our UK society where three debates
1) A female MP who became the debate as we focussed not on her sharp professional talent, but about whether she should be defined by her legs uncrossing and crossing.
debated that man of no name, the man of shame who decided to stream porn on his phone whilst sitting in the most important (public) office of the land.
3) Then there was top man who leads the country. He makes rules, and communicates rules for our good, but he loves to be the man without boundaries in his own life.
Let's take a step back for a moment. Why are people so angry ? Yes in many ways there are grotesquely degraded views of people / humanity going on at the heart of government and opposition, Yes there are issues of shame and lost dignity, lack of integrity you just want to turn your eyes away from... but is this cry for what "shouldn't be allowed" consistent with everything else we've asked for in an ultra-permissive society? Didn't we ask for greater freedom to express ourselves as we want? Are politicians not just normal people, representatives of the wider society, in what ways do they reflect ourselves, and the society of our making ? On what basis can we say this is wrong in a world which says no to absolutes and boundaries?
WHERE ARE LINES DRAWN ?
Should a man not be free, and be unrestricted so that he is allowed to chose to watch what he wants on his own phone? Isn't this the kind of freedom we chant for in our culture ? What if I chose to define myself as "curious" and am I not the the best placed to defined myself as doing what I want to do, and when I want to do it? In that world where everyone says I am free to do what I want, what have I actually done wrong other than observing consistently what my wider cultural norms have been established. Am I not merely adopting the non-boundaries I have been given? Maybe my main error (in the eyes of many in the UK) is being observed doing this, and holding a mirror to a society which has made itself ugly, and promised something it cannot deliver. There is a perverse delight in our media at anyone "caught" in this way.
I am being provocative of course. Deep down we all know that a world without boundaries doesn't work, protect or value humanity. Some will say "what you do in your own home doesn't matter, as long as you don't bring it into the workplace". However, doesn't the way we view people on our internet at home, impact the way we view people in the street/make laws for people/ communicate with people in the House of Commons? Does our character really change when when our wireless connection does?
People are truly angry but have forgotten that when we point the finger, three others are pointing back at ourselves. When we are defined by what we want, it does in-fact impact others, and our unrestraint has become horrifically damaging to society. As cringing and ugly as these incidents are, I am at least grateful on how they shine a spotlight on the depravity of our country and alert us to the alarming trajectory of our nation. When we promote politicians who trade on personality, the ideas that flaws are funny/ endearing, and that true leadership ability is about riding crisis with a teflon quip, character and moral integrity will always be relegated, and our nation will pay the price. Self righteousness should not figure in our response though...
Jesus said that none of us should be throwing (twitter) stones at the shamed individual or politician... (John 8:7 ) when we know ourselves to be moral failures.
And as they continued to ask him,
he stood up and said to them,
“Let him who is without sin among you
be the first to throw a stone at her.”
All have sinned and fall short, even if we are not as publicly caught out. Deep down we all know our true identity as those who miss the mark as image bearers of God in numerous areas of life simultaneously. So what is our appropriate response to this issues of moral crisis in society, and what God has shown us in the mirror of our hearts this week ?
1) Admit that I need boundaries in my life. To be the "best me" I need to admit that I am the worst me and in need my maker. A dismissal of God in my life, will end in shame and pain. The God who made us and loves us has boundaries driven by love, and we do well to see his wisdom and bow before it. One of the great beauties even of a fallen world is that God is faithful in keeping boundaries in place. There is a reason the sun is exact in it its distance from the earth in the cosmos... any closer we fry, any further we freeze... good job someone knew where it should be. Trust that he is God and you are not.
2) Ask for forgiveness: My natural thinking suggests to me that I know best. In thought at least I should "rule" over others with arrogant self service (whether in the Houses of Parliament, houses of our own homes, or house of God's family) - Self expression without boundaries will cause pain for others. Each day I need to bow the knee at the cross and see where this leads humanity and repent of it.
If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart,
this person's religion is worthless.
James 1:26
3) Intercede for our nation: Without a radical humbling of our nation and its leaders, the trajectory is not good, but we are part of this nation and the nature of intercession is that we must take this mess on ourselves. Don't complain if you don't vote, do pray as you vote and consider God's way not just your own happiness. In many ways the church is failing our nation, and it is no surprise when our nation fails. (Matthew 5:13-16). Let's humble ourselves before God, before he does it for us. (James 4:10, 2 Chron 7:14)
4) Share the only reason for hope and transparently live under the authority and boundaries of Jesus Christ: The one who loves us and gave himself for us did it in total moral purity, total integrity, and true to himself. He was individually willing to pay the cost for countless many but was in no way individualistic. He was yet able to bring countless many into joy, eternal happiness and contentment through obedience and confinement to the glorious purposes of God. My life was defined by selfish rebellion, shame, mess-ups, hang-ups, foul-ups and self caused calamity... but praise God, Christ he comes to save us from ourselves. I am still a selfish moral mess without him, I need him every waking moment, I need him to redefine me in himself and not in my own eyes or by my own definition. There is only one hope for me, for the UK, for morality generally, for the identity of human beings and society across the world, it is Jesus Christ. The gospel is not a message of morality, but of a saviour of all things, over all realms and above all people. When we grasp this, we want his good boundaries in our lives, and homes, villages, towns, cities and countries are impacted. The gospel of Jesus is not about restricting people but opening up the only way of freedom to say no to sin. The ripples of knowing him, submitting to him, and living in his care (a safety of good boundaries) can make good waves in all cultures and societies in our world, it has a capillary effect far and wide.
ACTS 17:24-28:
The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him.
Yet he is actually not far from each one of us, for
“‘In him we live and move and have our being..."
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